About time!!!

Wow it has been forever sense I have blogged ;)  I keep seeing all my friends blogs and thinking I should start again, it is a great way to record our life for family to see.

We have been up to so much I am not sure where to start.  So I decided to start where I left off (sort of).  It has been almost a year since my last round of chemo, A YEAR!!!  I can not believe it has gone by so quick :)  I meant to blog all during my chemo and keep people posted but I was just not up for it, even sitting at the computer for a long period of time was hard.  So here is my story, chemo SUCKED!!!  Yup really, that's my experience all summed up.  In all seriousness this experience has changed my life, has given me a new appreciation for not only the people that go through chemo but their families around them.  So here are he before during and after pictures of my journey.

Please scroll fast through the first one, or not ;)  I really struggled whether I should post this picture or not but in the end I figured I would want to see, so here you go.

Horrible I know but this is where I was at right before chemo, plus I had the same size tumor in my chest.  CRAZY!!! keep scrolling it gets better I promise :)

This was during, I could never get used to wearing a wig, so when I was out and about I would wear hats mostly and some times scarves.  The be honest I really never saw my self as this bald, but looking back at pictures I think wow that looks so strange. Did you notice, no tumor, yippee!!!  I took about 1 month (2 treatments) for it to be fully gone. 

 

 

 

And the end, Jared and I decided to take a quick trip to Vegas alone after all was said and done. Tawnie and Kendra came and watch the kids.  It was so wonderful to be all done and feeling better!!!

That is pretty much it, life has almost gone back to normal now.  I have check ups every 3 months but coming up they will move me to every 4 months.  Kind of feels like I am graduating or something.  I still get nervous before check ups and wonder, am I eating okay, did I do every thing I could to keep my self healthy.  So on to bigger and better things for me and my family.  Thanks for all those prayers and everyone who helped out in every way through all of this.  You have no idea how much it means to me and I have no way of showing how truly grateful I am for those that supported me through this.

xoxo

Buzzed is Beautiful???

So I FINALLY did it. I SHAVED my head (well actually Jared did). It is funny I thought as soon as my hair starts to fall out I am done it is all coming off. Well my hair officially started to fall out last Thursday and it took me until last night to break down and shave it. I went online to read what other people had done to sway me one way or another. Nothing helped I realized that this was going to have to be my decision...yikes (why do the tough ones always have to be my choice?).

Last night I went on line and googled pictures of girls with shaved heads, I found one of Natalie Portman with a shaved head (link I viewed http://www.shaving-guide.com/female-head-shaving.html) I went and got Jared and said I want to look like this. Now for those of you who don't know I have very thick hair so we started by cutting as much off as we could first and then shaved it off. I have to admit I wasn't as sad to see it go as I thought I would be. I guess I knew this was one thing during chemotherapy that was going to happen so I had already come to terms with it :)

I was really concerned with what Logan was going to think. I was afraid he was going to tell me he wanted me to put it back. Logan woke up from sleeping while Jared was vacuuming the carpet. Jared told Logan that we had to give mommy a hair cut. Then brought him to see me. Logan pointed at my head laughed and said "that's funny". That was it he didn't even miss a beat, I was and still am the same to him. This made it so much easier for me to deal with, I am the same person, just a little less hair ;)

All cut off and ready to shave!!! I shed a few tears at this point. I told Jared this will be the one and only time he could shave my head. His response was good I never want to do this again.


The shaved head!!!

xoxo, Jenna

Life During Chemo

Okay so life during chemo has taken some getting used too...pretty much things have been the same except we have to spend A LOT more time inside. I am super sensitive to the sun so that keeps us indoors more than usual with hot summer days. I am also tired more and so I don't have the energy to take the kids places.

I have been feeling pretty good, my second treatment seemed to go smoother than the first. I am not sure if I just knew more of what to expect or my body handled it better. Either way I am not going to complain :) So here is an update of what we have been up to this past week.

I guess Logan hasn't really noticed that I am tired, he has been doing great!!! This week he had his first ice cream cone and he loved it. I was so excited to find gluten, dairy, nut and soy free ice cream cones for him at Whole Foods. He was so excited the whole time we were shopping he kept looking at his ice cream cones and saying "my treat!!!" and man did he love it. We also had a chance to make cookies. Logan loves helping make the cookies. He is my helper until it is time to lick the spoon or mixer blade and then I am on my own.

Jaycee has been doing great!!! She is so funny, a very serious little girl. Her smiles are far and few between and we have a hard time catching it on camera. Finally she was smiling and Jared got the camera and was able to snap a few. She is still doing great, sleeping great and just a little cutie.

Jared as usual has been the Mr. Mom of the house, taking care of Logan and Jaycee when he gets home from work. I have been tired at the end of the day when Jared comes home so I was going to bed around 7:30 or 8:00 leaving. Jared has been giving Logan his baths putting him to bed and feeding Jaycee at her 10:30 feeding. Then cleaning up the mess made from dinner. What a life saver he is.

All in all things are going great. We have been moving along one day at a time. Lets just pray things stay this way :)

xoxo, Jenna

Update

So today is 1 week from my first treatment and I figured I would let everyone know how tings are going....

The first couple of days all I did was sleep, Jared was amazing playing Mr. Mom while I lounged around and did nothing. Don't get em wrong I would have rather been chasing Logan and doing laundry then feeling like I was completely wiped and could do nothing. I just have to come the the realization that this is how my life is going to be for a little while and let Jared do things for this family.

As the week progressed I started feeling better, I still feel like I am tired but the more I get out and do things the better I feel. Jared went to work on Monday and the morning was hard for me. By the afternoon I had found a new attitude and realized I CAN do this and I am going to do this. I think this week has been an emotional adjustment for me. Just understanding that this is going to be the new me for the next 6 months is hard. Unloading and loading the dishwasher while making sure the kids are taken care of for the day was a big accomplishment for me this week. Things only get better with time and I am slowly wrapping my mind around what I am going through.

This is one person that is going to get me through, just watching the joy he has for life and the love he has for me. I have learned this week to enjoy just being at home with Logan and immersing my self in his world for moments at a time to make him feel important. He was so cute the weekend I had my chemo and was sleeping a lot he kept asking Jared "mommy okay daddy?" and every time he went by me on the couch sleeping he would stop and give me a kiss. He loves me so much and that isn't going to change even if I am too tired to play or take him all the places he loves to go. His sweet spirit will get me through this and give me the strength I need.
This little angel has grown so fast...she is the easy one to take care of all you have to do is feed her, change her diaper, and talk to her. Let me tell you though she has been a blessing. She already sleeps through the night. Her last feeding is at 10:30 and she sleeps until 7:00am. I know that I wouldn't have been able to handle getting up with her several times a night and Jared would have been exhausted getting up with her, then going to work and coming home to do it all over again. I know our Heavenly Father knows what we need in time of struggle and he has sent us the most perfect angel to keep us going and reminding us how precious life is. I am so lucky to have had her and wouldn't change it for the world.

There aren't enough word to explain the support Jared has been. He has cooked dinner, taken care of Logan and Jaycee and worked. When we said "I Do" neither one of us imagined the turn our lives would take. He has not complained at all. He is there to make sure I am comfortable and taken care of. He is my rock and I am not sure I would make it through with out him. He has held me up when I am to weak to stand on my own and he has been here for this family in every way that I am unable to be at this time. I know everyone says family is important but some times I think we take it for granted until we go through something like this. These 3 wonderful people are going to be what push me to get better everyday and stay strong until the end. I am not only fighting for myself but fighting to remain a part of this beautiful family. The are my world and I love them so much. So thanks to them for all that they do for me.

xoxo, Jenna

1 down...11 to go!!!

So yesterday was my first chemo and here is how things went...

We walk in to the doctors office sign in and sit and wait for them to call you in the back (I think this was the hardest part for me, just very anxious). They call you in the back and give you a chair number, mine was chair 6 in the corner. Everyone is assigned a specific nurse to administer the chemo (mine for the day was Sonia). So I sat in the chair (Jared by my side) and listened to my nurse explain all the side effects; nausea, fatigue, hair loss, mouth sores, white blood cell drop, more pron to sun burn and taste changes, and that just gets you so excited to get things going :)

So the first thing they do is access you port (which is placed just under my skin on my chest). They have you take a deep breath in and then push a needle through your skin and connect to your port. This is no worse than starting an IV. Now they start with just saline solution. The first thing they did was give me anti nausea medication (yippee!!). The first time the had to give me a test dose of one drug to make sure I won't have an allergic reaction. Two of the drugs are a push and two of the drugs are a drip. My total time there was about 3 hours, this was just for the first time. Most of the time it will take only 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Then that is it they send you home for the day.

I had to return today in the morning to receive my nuelasta shot, this is to help keep my white blood cell count up.

Over all I have been feeling okay, really tired. My taste has pretty much gone so food taste a more bland to me. My mouth has been pretty dry and my finger tips have been numb. Most of the side effects don't take place until about 48 after chemo so I still have some time. I find if I eat small meals through out the day I haven't been feeling nauseous.

Yesterday and today I have been mostly sleeping while Jared picks up the slack around the house. He has been amazing. I slept sound for the first time last night in about 9 months...it was so amazing :) I was actually able to make dinner tonight which felt great too. I am still feeling a little weak but I think that is to be expected.

I will keep you posted on how things are going

xoxo, Jenna

And Chemo begins...

Okay so today was the big day that I got my PET scan results back (this has been 9 months in the waiting). I have a orange size mass on the right side of my neck (ugh) and then the same size tumor to go along with it behind my chest plate which is pushing against my airways causing me to cough and not breath as clear. Then there is a small lymph node below my diaprahm which lite up in the last PET scan to put me at stage IIIA (A meaning showing no symptoms) Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

My next step is to have a port installed on Friday followed with a heart eval on Monday, and a pulmonary test to take place sometime next week. Then our goal is to start chemo on Friday July 15th. It is weird to say I am excited but I am. I am ready to feel normal again. Have this mass on my neck be gone (which will decrease significantly if not all the way after my 1st treatment) and my breathing to get back to normal. I will have 6 rounds (12 treatments) and should hopefully be done by December 16th if everything goes as planned.

Jared has been an amazing support through this, I have been an emotional wreck these past few weeks after having a baby and just the anticipation of everything to come. My fears of starting chemo are just that I won't be able to be the mom and wife I want to be. I know everyone will come out on the other end just fine but that is just the way I am, I worry about other people. I am going to try and keep things as normal for Logan as I can, still go and play at the park on park days, play monster trucks with him. He is just going to have 2 big changes so close together I hope he does okay.

Life is an amazing adventure and this is just another chapter in mine...thanks to everyone for the prayers and support I can truly feel them working in my life. Let the count down begin to the day that I will be cancer free for the rest of my life!!!!

xoxo, Jenna

Life with Two!!!

Wow how things have changed from just two weeks ago.
Leaving the house used to be so easy, grab a snack, 2 diapers and we were off...now it is make sure the baby is fed and changed. Pack like 8 diapers, a bottle, change of clothes, burp cloths, blankets, baby carriers. Not to mention the time it takes to get this tiny little body into the car seat, it is the little things you forget.


Things that I love about having two...

• the way Logan can seem to get Jaycees attention and she will just stare at him



• how I am able to hold her and play with Logan all at the same time



• how much I appreciate the moments I get alone with Logan or Jaycee



• how much I enjoy having time to my self



• a quiet house



• sleep for more then 3 hours at a time



• when Logan says "come on Jaycee follow me" and then I have to explain she is still to little to follow you...his response "yeah"



• the way Logan kisses her and rubs her head



• the way Logan laughs when his dad "gets" Jaycee the same way he does Logan

Things are just getting started and I know there will be times I want to pull my hair out and scream, but these two have stolen my heart and I am truly blessed to have them in my life